My Life: Why 40?

I have blogged a few times before about just why this blog has a title of 40 or "fordee". It is a little odd. Some think it’s my IQ (mostly those are guys with Republican blogs, hehe). Other people may think it’s my age…. But, 35 is actually correct. No the number 40 is special to me. It was my uniform number through high school and college in football. I actually wore the number 40 in 8 seasons. I wore it four years at Penn-Trafford High School in Harrison City, PA (3 in football, 1 in baseball my freshman year). And I wore it four years in football at Juniata College in Huntingdon, PA.

I will never forget the day that I walked to the equipment room at Juniata my freshman year and was about to get my number issued. The equipment guy said, “Well you have to look through the roster here and see if any senior’s numbers from last year suit you.” I knew a guy from the previous season was a senior that wore 40. And I jumped on it. Luckily none of the 50 freshman football players had taken that one just yet! >whew>

When I decided to return to teaching high school I wanted my blog to be a little more anonymous. So I changed titles to my old number as a call sign. It has been a nice switch. My wonderful logos have been designed by RinEff@Modblog. She has a lot of talent there.



In high school and college I was a good football player. I was not the best player on the field by any means. But, what I was came from 100% of what I had to give. I try to explain this sometimes to people and they just don’t get it. Maybe the best explanation would be to watch the movie Gladiator with Russell Crowe. I would be in the locker room before the game and think, hey this could be the last time I ever play… this could be the last time I ever walk… this could be the last day of my life. That sums it up. To make the conscious decision that you are going to put your body on the line for your team that is the level of devotion it took to make me a good player.



I was 5’11” and about 200 lbs. my senior year in college. I started 20 straight games to finish both my high school and college careers at outside linebacker. In college I was easily the smallest player at my position in the entire conference. My senior year I was the smallest player at my position on the team. We had about 12 outside linebackers. I was probably the third fastest my senior year. Yet, as a sophomore I made the varsity traveling roster by running down kickoffs and punts because somehow I would get to the kick returner before anyone else. I can not really explain how. I guess it was desire.

Both of my senior seasons were very disappointing as a team. We were picked to possibly contend or win our conferences each season. In High School I can honestly say that we had one of the best defenses in the state that season. The highest point total we gave up was to the conference winner – 21 points. And 14 of those were late in the fourth quarter. We lost 21-0. Our first two games were 7-6 defeats. Crushing, Depressing losses.



My senior year in college wasn’t much different. We opened at the defending Division III National Champions Allegheny College. We lost 21-7. It was 7-7 at the half. The season before we had tied them 30-30 and then they didn’t lose another game the remainder of the season. It was strangely cool to root for them as they ran through the playoffs thinking, we were the only team they couldn’t beat this season! But, alas we fell far short of expectations. I was a defensive player on very good defenses. But, the offense in high school and college was just terrible my senior seasons.

In college, while most were out partying on Saturday nights, I was often in my lofted bed in my dorm room just moaning and aching. Many times after games I was just a physical and emotional wreck. The stress that the head and neck go through during the course of a game is so damaging. Many nights I layed there wonder whether I was going to live to see the next day. Some think this is an exaggeration, but once you have had a concussion and feel the effects you just don't realize what it puts your body through. Chills, sweats, aches, and throbbing pain in your head. Nausea and vomitting. I would never tell anyone though and risk losing my starting spot to someone the coaches probably thought was bigger, stronger and could do a better job. It was my greatest fear. Even greater than dying. Hard to imagine, but to the mind of a young man, it is truth.

I don’t look back with any regrets. I learned a lot from the tough times and the struggle that I went through. It helped me when I began teaching and coaching. There is no question the lessons taught on the playing fields helped me in the corporate world. Being a team player is probably the most important skill in companies today.

BUT, my wife and I are dead set against my son playing football. I am sure he will want to. And I will probably let him if he waits until he’s ready. But, I would rather he do something else. The human body is not made for the collisions that a football player creates and endures during practice and games. I fractured my left ankle four times (luckily all out of season and I never missed a practice or game in 7 years of high school and college). I have had numerous concussions and whiplash injuries. My neck is a mess. My left knee hurts anytime I walk up a flight of stairs.

ESPN the Magazine has a fascinating set of articles in this month’s issue that have had me thinking. They document the pain that players go through in their post-career lives. It is really remarkable how awful some of their lives are after professional careers. Growing up it was all I ever wanted to do. When doctors told me to give up playing when I was a junior in high school due to ankle injuries, I went into a terrible depression. I decided to ignore them and work through the pain. To be that single minded where you throw caution to the wind and have no care about your own body – that is a dangerous place to be.


I am very lucky that I do not have serious injuries to deal with at 35. I may encounter some as I grow older. But, I do not want Aidan to ever have to deal with that. I would rather he concentrate on sports that will not tear apart his body and soul. I loved football… but I love my son an awful lot more. My father will think I’m “over protective.” He’s said, “How can you not start him at football as early as possible? Kids today have to be specialized and they need an early start.” My opinion is that unless he is fully developed he risks serious injury. And once he is fully developed he better have the very best coaching.

I didn’t learn how to tackle correctly until I got to college. When I was taught the right way to wrap a ball carrier with the correct footwork and technique I rarely missed a tackle and I had a lot less injuries to my head and spine. These days kids are even bigger. I don’t want my little guy to fall into the hands of a crazy coach that teaches a kid to hit with the top of their helmet. And if I can help it… I won’t want him to play at all.

My hope is that Aidan will do something. And he’ll enjoy it. And he’ll work hard to become the best at it. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as he enjoys life. He could even wear #40 in baseball, basketball, or water polo for that matter. Or he could pick his own number and that would probably be even better. :)

So there is a little insight into just why this blog is named 40 or "fordee". I have never really blogged about football and my playing career. And there are 100 stories I have left out. But, I had a few minutes tonight and thought I would give it a try.